I don’t exactly know how to go about explaining what has happened to me this week. I have been avoiding writing about it because I don’t think my words will do it justice.
Ok, I’m just going to do it.
It started on Sunday, at an author’s lecture at the church my mom attends. The pastor there often references a book by River Jordan called Praying for Strangers and she was scheduled to speak. I went, and it was amazing. As someone who has been on the receiving end of prayers from people known and unknown I have often been overwhelmed by the graciousness and love and comfort I’ve felt, knowing that people were interceding on my behalf to God/the Universe/Spirit to take care of me at a time when I could not take care of myself. What I didn’t think of was that those doing the praying are also blessed – in ways unexpected and not imagined – but it makes sense – you get back what you give.
Such a simple thing. A few words strung together in blessing. Such a profound effect.
I didn’t have time to stay and get a book or have it signed. My mom surprised me the next day by saying she had her copy signed for me, and added, mysteriously “you won’t believe what she wrote”. Of course I had to know. So I asked, but didn’t get a response until the next day. She couldn’t remember all of it, but it was something like “live large and enjoy this…” something. She’ll bring the book over later and I can see it then.
Whoa. That got my attention. Live large? Who says that! She must have known my last name, or maybe that’s what she writes in everyone’s book.
When I finally had my hands on the book I read the full inscription: “you’re a keeper…live large and enjoy this long life”. And no – my mom said all she did was hand over the book with a piece of paper that had my first name on it.
WHOA. That’s pretty incredible. Even if she does put that in everyone’s book. But I had to know, so I emailed River Jordan. I told her what she wrote and just said that the phrase Live Large has a whole lot of meaning for me. Her response was quick: no, she doesn’t write that often, didn’t think she had written it again that day, or ever had before.
Well, that made it even more extraordinary. And I told her so, and why. Because I wanted her to know that those words blew me away – they are a message to me that came straight from Heaven, in an answer to a prayer I didn’t even formally utter.
Here’s the thing I haven’t mentioned yet –
I’ve had a dream that I’ve been nurturing for a while now. I want a life different from what I lead now and the only way I can have that life is if I strike out on my own. I want to make something positive come out of the catastrophe that my life was two years ago – I want to use my experiences to show others that they too can make it through hard times, and that God has a purpose for all of us, and to encourage them to achieve their dreams – just like JJ did before he left this Earth.
And just recently – like only a few weeks ago – this dream has solidified, materialized, the path has opened up, and I’m moving forward. And I’m terrified. Because this is my dream! What if I screw it up? I have always imitated, rarely do I innovate, so I have no blueprint to follow, no example to look to. Just myself and the certainty that this is meant to be. So I was looking for a sign. Something to tell me that it will work out, to give me confidence to continue moving forward. I didn’t expect a response though. I just wrote about it and moved on.
BOY DID I GET A RESPONSE. The message is loud and clear.
I want to say it’s unbelievable – but it isn’t. I believe. I know that there is a Higher Power, and a whole host of spirits and angels, including my special JJ, who are just waiting for us to call on them. I am humbled, and my heart could burst with gratitude and love for this blessing and all of the others that have been granted to me throughout this journey.
So I heard back from River Jordan, and she said many things that I’ll remember forever. And then she gave me another gift – she chose me to be the stranger she would pray for tonight.
Who could have imagined this life? Not me.