Category Archives: Remembering

landmines

Dear JJ, I stepped on a landmine yesterday. They lurk out there in the normal world – unseen, unknown – always taking me by surprise and triggering a rush of emotion.  There is absolutely no way to prepare for them.  No … Continue reading

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happy

I dig my toes into the sand. The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless and in this moment I am happy. I wish you were … Continue reading

Posted in Beyond the Veil, Dear JJ, Remembering | 1 Comment

random thoughts

Washing dishes is about as close to meditation as I get these days.  I stare out the window at my backyard and let my mind wander.  I keep this little set of cards with wise, thought provoking statements on them … Continue reading

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fear comes to the fore

I think it’s accurate to say that I relapsed.  I had a setback, a significant one, and it all came to a head (I hate that saying by the way) last weekend.  It’s been a bumpy road since June, as … Continue reading

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flashback

Today I saw a body on a stretcher being loaded into a van.  I took it to be from a funeral home because two men in suits were putting it in there. It was the house next to my mom’s. … Continue reading

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peanut butter french toast

Today I pulled out your griddle, from way up high – the cabinet I can’t reach unless I stand on a stool. There were cobwebs on it.  It hasn’t been moved in at least two years, three months, and five … Continue reading

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surprising gifts

Dear JJ, I know that you know that I had a baby because you wanted kids.  I was so afraid that I would lose who I was – the person I worked so hard to find. But you wanted to … Continue reading

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remembering you

Dear JJ, Today I was brainstorming ideas for a business logo and I started a list of words that made me think of you.  This is my list: Expansive Larger than life Helping others Love Happy Loud Smiling Funny – … Continue reading

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day 366

Dear JJ, Today is the day after the day that, one year ago, you died.  Yesterday was the first anniversary of my husband’s death.  The first anniversary of the first day of my life without you. The day before yesterday … Continue reading

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10 months ago

Today is the 10 month anniversary of your death.  It’s hard to believe that almost a year has passed since that awful morning.  I remember not being able to understand how the earth could keep turning…the sun rose and set … Continue reading

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