happy

IMG_1865

I dig my toes into the sand.
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
strewn across a blue blanket.
I lean against the wind,
pretend that I am weightless
and in this moment I am happy.

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here.

-Incubus

I love this picture of you.  I like to imagine this is what Heaven is like – an endless blue horizon – and you are somewhere out there, smiling into eternity.

This picture makes me a little sad too.  You’re smiling at what’s out there in the distance, maybe even eagerly anticipating what’s to come – but I know now that there was a storm brewing.  There was a tidal wave coming our way.

It’s been four years and four months JJ.  To my great surprise, there are moments when I am weightless.  Happy.

And at the same time, I miss you.  I’m afraid to admit just how much I wish you were here.

How can it be that I feel both at once?  That joy and sadness coexist, that they’re actually friends – two peas in a pod, two sides of the same coin.  This is just one of the many mysteries I’ve uncovered on this journey.  I may never know.  Actually, I’m not sure I want to know.  There’s something beautiful in the mystery and I kind of like hanging out here, where things are soft and blurry and it’s a little hard to tell what’s what.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Beyond the Veil, Dear JJ, Remembering. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to happy

  1. Phyllis says:

    Thank you, Jill, for your courage to be with both sides of the coin simultaneously. How could it be otherwise, and yet, we spend so much of our life’s effort pushing one side away in favor of another. At least I do. It is all precious. Thanks for reminding me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s