gone

Yesterday I finalized your estate.

I thought I’d be excited, doing back flips and leaping for joy, because that was such a freaking pain in the ass.  But I don’t feel that way.  Yes, I’m relieved.  I know it’s good to have that behind me.  My brain knows.

My heart feels differently.  My mind says it’s crazy to feel grief and sadness over getting getting through the nightmare of navigating the legal system without all of my mental faculties intact.  But my heart understands that that’s not what I’m really sorry about.  This process is attached to you.  And finalizing the estate is finalizing your death.

Oh God, I said it out loud.  Death.

Dead.  Died.

Gone.

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2 Responses to gone

  1. lhorning1 says:

    Jill, remember – he isn’t gone. He is still here with us, it’s just different now. Much love and strength to you. ~Yaya

  2. LDacar says:

    Glad you can finally file the final paper work. It has been a long, hair pulling, process, and nice to have it behind you. JJ is still with us, in our hearts and mind. No one can take that from us. But when does the pain go away? I will live with it everyday, until I meet him on the other side. Mom

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